Hey there!

It’s been awhile since our last edition of Time Dorks.

If you're new to the world of Make Time, you might like to join a free workshop I'm hosting with Ros this Wednesday at 12pm ET where we'll explore the Highlight method and how to bring more focus into your days.

👉 Click here to join us.

(See when it’s happening in your timezone by clicking here).

So what's new?

I took off for a month in August to enjoy a long summer holiday + paternity leave with my family in the U.S. and recharge my batteries.

Coming home to Portugal wasn’t easy, however. We ran into some big issues with our apartment renovation, which meant we had to find a temporary new place to live, then move house, all while looking after our 4-month old baby.

To add to the mix—and this won’t be a shocker to the parents reading this—our daughter had the classic “4-month sleep regression” which meant a chaotic month of restless nights.

Amidst all of this, I’ve been having to reprioritize work projects and personal commitments, and get back in the habit of saying “no” a lot more often.

I thought it’d be a perfect time to revisit and unpack the sometimes difficult but always important practice of How to Say "No".

Let’s dive in.

Something to Try

Have you ever found yourself drowning in commitments you didn't really want to make? Or looking at your calendar and realizing it’s filled with everyone else’s priorities except your own?

I’ve been there far too often. And it’s not particularly joyful, nor is it usually very effective.

In my first few years at Google, I was the quintessential “yes” person. Whenever a new request landed in my inbox, I was on it. Any time there was extra work to be done, I was the first to volunteer. I was basically the human equivalent of a Golden Retriever - enthusiastically agreeing to everything that came my way.

The truth is that this strategy worked. I was seen by others as a team player, I got more exposure to a variety of interesting projects, and it helped build my reputation, eventually securing my dream job overseas.

But before long, I was overwhelmed by everything on my plate.

I decided to try a new experiment: instead of saying yes to everything, I'd flip the script and default to saying no.

At first, saying no felt as comfortable as petting a cactus. Growing up in the Midwest, I was steeped in a culture that valued being nice and polite. Turning down requests from others made me feel all sorts of bad.

But I knew deep down that I couldn't keep saying yes while maintaining a clear focus on my priorities. The truth is, it wasn't an easy experiment to run. Each time I declined a request, my mind started racing with worry. Would this hurt their feelings? Would it damage my professional reputation?

As I persevered and said "no" more often, I realized I was really saying "yes" to the things that mattered most to me. It gave me the freedom to stay engaged and fully focused on a few big priorities, rather than spreading myself thin.

Over time, my calendar cleared up and I was able to devote time and energy to the big things in my life.

This is the essence of “Just Say No” (Tactic #12).

Here are three lessons I learned from applying this tactic in my own life:

1. Be nice but honest. There are many tricky techniques for deflecting, making excuses, or deferring indefinitely, but most of them don’t feel good because they’re not honest. Or even worse, they delay the hard decision and it weighs on you for weeks. Better to tell the truth.
2. Remember that "no" isn't forever. Just because you’re saying no to this request doesn’t mean you can’t say yes in the future. Remember, say it only if you mean it.
3. Offer an alternative. One technique I love is the "Sour Patch Kid" method, coined by our friend Kristen Brillantes. Just like the candy, your response starts a bit sour but ends on a sweet note. For example: "Unfortunately, I can't make it to the event. But you might want to ask Sarah; I think she'd love this!"

Saying no isn’t easy, but it is necessary for most of us if we want to protect our time and energy for the work, projects, and people that matter most to us.

My advice is to start small – practice saying no to one or two low-stakes requests. Pay attention to how it feels and the time it frees up for your true priorities.

Here are three templates you can use when you want to say no but don’t know how.

The Simple No. “Sorry, I don’t have the time for anything new because I’m busy with some really important projects right now.”

The Not Now. “I really appreciate the invitation, and I’d love to work together in the future, but I have to pass right now because I have an important project with an upcoming deadline.”

The Suggest Somebody. “Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to do a great job on this because I’m spending my time on _____. Perhaps I could ask _____ who could be amazing for this.”

(Pro-tip: save these as ​templates in Gmail​ or ​Outlook​).

Thanks for reading!

— Connor

P.S. Bike + Train = 🤯​